Date: 1/30/2008

Please let me die

The death of my soul goes unnoticed because of the plastered smile that i have placed across my face while moving through this life, im a stranger in this world, i dont want to stay, not one more day, i have walked far more than i should have here, mile after long mile, i know that many love and care, but that doesnt ease my souls strife. You see, i still pray to die and very few know why, for a grave i pray, pain have i and tears plenty, enough for a river i have cried inside. I want an end, a darkness eternal, to sleep, to forget and never care. I know God loves me, i know Jesus paid the fee, but i have to be free from the cares of this world. Hopelessness, like a tide, washes over me. I have done what i can here, there are few with whom i can share why i have this despair, for it is an end of this suffering that i plea. I am caged in a body that should not be mine, bound by society with shackles unshined cornered by thought spinning in my head i am certain that i would be better dead. All will be well when i can escape, its now or never, before courage breaks, to find the strength to make the strike to feel the knifes cold steel bite. I failed! I failed! I failed! This time! I couldnt drive that knife deep so i sit in my bathroom and weep, i lacked the will for eternal sleep, i beg that i wont falter next time! I pray that God above will know, that i did my best here below, that i love him and his son so, grant me the strength to deal the blow. I ask your forgiveness for all my sins, i pray that you will let of start again, but next time please make this right and dont give me this awful plight. Just let me be the girl that i am inside, so i can live my life without the pain. God please let me die, so that truly i can say, i lived my life your way.


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